How I Survived Those Years

when all I wanted to was disappear
not die, exactly,
just go to a faraway nothingness
and never return
when I had my teenage fists in the blanket, crying so
no one else could hear
Please God take this away. Please God help
me. Stop the thoughts stop them please
oh
please
God
When I woke in the night
sure I was dying
my heartbeat a restless racehorse
before the starting line
Oh please God oh
please
When the fear felt like the only friend I had
Oh please God oh
please
And when the shaking stopped
and my heart slowed
and I could get up again
Thank you God,
thank you
Call it what you will
I am still breathing
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Grace Moore is a writer from Washington. She writes fiction, creative nonfiction, and the occasional poem. She also writes articles on travel, mental health, writing, and books. Sometimes she’s funny, or at least that’s what her mom says. Follow her on Instagram @gracieawriter.